Inspiration just won't come
A lack of momentum

An unsolvable conundrum
An answer none can fathom

Ebbed has been the flow
Venom engendering rage and woe

Stuck inside for the meantime
Frustration rules prime

Neurons without spark
Not a single useful quark

This is no passion
It's more of an addiction

And the ink flows on
Describing this verbal starvation

I've got heavy eyelids
It's hard to resist, full of skids

But I don't want to fall asleep
For it is then that they slowly creep
Gathering for another of those mental orgies
Those passionate yet fearful memories

They grab at every inch of my skin
They like not being forgotten
These are not dreams, nor nightmares
These are my deepest fears

I can no longer sleep
I keep on staying awake
Afraid of the pain
There's too much at stake

Staring into that bottomless lake
I let the letters rain
The words, true and fake
The price to never dream again

This is not insomnia
This is my only phobia

There used to be a little boy
Always in the corner, deemed coy
Nobody knew what lay beneath
He was only a sheath

The horrors he had to witness
Cause he couldn't hide
Made him hollow inside
An empty shell with an abscess

A sinful being that kept him awake at night
The pulsing wrath, hate and spite
Squirming and screaming to be let out
Trying to make him give in, blackout

One day he could no longer take it
He had reached his limit
He gave in to the wicked voice within
Spread onto his face was an evil grin

He was no longer just a vessel
For he was now One
With the vile creature from Hell
The familiar voice from inside
The Unholy Guide

I've fallen again
All honor down the drain
Transcended by the ecstasy
The pleasure it offered to me

Reasoning gone in a whiff
Death slowly creeping on with each sniff
I can feel its breath down my neck
As I get closer to being a wreck

Indeed I am broken
The end is no longer an if but a when
You're to blame, yes, you friend
Coz you never even extended a helping hand

You heard not my silent cries of help
My torn soul's shouts and yelps
No one to hear, none of you near
I shed the very last tear

And I delved further down the darkness
To make up for this emptiness
And I found this addiction, my adulteress
That precious temptress, my only empress

Friends and fiends, allies and foes

My faithful heroes and hoes

I lie here broken and torn

My stained soul battered

Gathering the remnants of my desires

My halo has fallen and my dreams lie shattered

The burning light in me has gone

Enjoying the feel of the devil's touch

Darkness engulfs me

As I lie here with Ollie

Eyes like burning coal

Yet as it spreads,

it cleanses my soul

rids the latter of those emotions

which like a parasite, try to cling

while I watch the ceiling

I used to be tired and worn

with that endless hell below

My soul used to cry out an unspeakable woe

But that is now history

They may call me mental

But I am all that they are not

Insane, infinite and immortal

I will leave them all to rot

I can now say I feel free

Free once again, to be me

What you call a fresh start
start not with a change of heart
but with a different mindset

In the mind, old friends lurking
hazy visions swirling

New feelings entertwining the old ones
Crushed, they are erased
Giving way to the new clans

Those friends,
now turned mere acquaintances
asking for reasons, answers

Insults, raised hands
I can bear
For these are only dew drops on leaves
But they will not if they hear...

"I simply no longer care"